Before I commence on the road to self righteous 'In England we would never, I mean just NEVER do that', I would like to share my thought on truth. This is it: There is no such thing as complete truth (in the context of human comprehension). Something happens and the true facts (it's truth) gets lost immediately to the Universe. What exists then is a myriad of different truths, which come in the form of the perspectives of those who witnessed the event. Each will be somewhat different, every time, yet each will be the truth (unless you add a big old raging liar to the mix).
These are my truths and as such are alarming for my own individual reasons...
1. 'Give blood, not Hepatitis': Oh the blood bus has come to town. With it's centimeter thick grime coating the windows, plastic cups to store the blood and refrigerator on the blink, who can possibly refuse to impart their life blood upon the world? If these clearly visible implements aren't enough to tempt you into the bus' dimly lit , grimy innards, perhaps a trip to China's AIDs town will.
2. Buying cigarettes from a baby: This has been the point of much contention for me of late. One of my favourite dive bars, an underground bomb shelter aptly named 'The Shelter', has a cigarette man outside until the wee hours of the morning. This is not alarming. What is rather irksome and the cause of many arguments in broken Chinese is the baby who accompanies the man, still awake at 3am and shoved into drunken Laowai's faces: 'Ta hen ke ai...he is cute, buy more smokes.'
3. Poor lift logic: ATTENTION!!! If the lift is already full, how do you think you are going to fit in it? Take the extra two seconds to let the people out of the lift before you try and get into the lift!! Also, please refrain from smoking that disgusting cigarette in this impossibly enclosed space. It. Is. Gross. (These situations happen way more than they should do).
4. Patience and chivalry: I recently went on a few dates with a guy who, when he waited with me to get a taxi., I actually told, 'chivalry is dead'. What the hell ignoramus arse is wrong with me? If it's dead, can we please reserect it soon, please! I'm not asking for you to pay for everything, fellas. I don't even need you to rub my rather unsavory feet but please, if you can't wait an extra second to hold the door for me, at least don't slam it ON me. When on the metro, step aside valiant sir and allow the ladies to depart from the train BEFORE you barge, I am not made of air. And old man in the supermarket, it is not acceptable to mow your trolley into me and then shout at me for being so cumbersome with my really rather modest space occupation. But most of all, oh yes you evil man of yesterday, I will not forget you in a hurry, nay! If you don't quite feel like assisting me with my five massively heavy bags in this 40 degree July heat, fair enough. But DON'T TAKE MY FUCKING TAXI YOU ARSE!!
That is all.
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| Totally unrelated but pretty damn hilarious |
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