I have recently had a
revelation of self. I am incredibly awkward, extraordinarily so and yet this
affliction of the membrane appears to manifest itself in the strangest of ways.
I find normal things too awkward, like saying hello to someone you know rather
than pretending to be a tree (this makes dating in a City like Shanghai an
interesting experience). Yet posing questions such as: 'So, what do you think
is the most selfish shellfish?' to relative strangers, is no issue for me. This
past week I have observed the habits of others in the fashion of a slightly
pervy sleuth and am delighted to find that I am not alone in my ridiculous ways!
Here follows the top three most random, awkward moments…when strangers think
that no one is watching them:
3rd prize - The Ear Cleaner: Cleaning your ears in
public is pretty much a no no; this fellow was particularly resourceful in his
methods. No cotton buds to hand? No worries…get your car key in there, son!!
2nd Prize – The Baby Bogey: We teach our kids ‘Be
clean’ but we only see them two hours a week, it really is up to the parents to
implement this rule, not encourage the opposite behaviour. Point and case:
Grandfather and sprog on the metro – child get his digit dug into old man’s
nose and then…eats it!! Old man sits docile, contemplating better days.
1st Prize – When Two Become One: After sharing a
plate of pasta, and feeding each other, a couple (Chinese girl, Western boy)
settle back to enjoy the Blue Grass gig. After a couple of minutes of liberated
independence, the girl leans over her boyfriend’s shoulders and starts picking
the food out of his teeth. The couple continue in this fashion, enjoying the
warbling melody of the Blue Grass Project.
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